Being told in a hotel room that everything that I've worked for the past eight years has abruptly come to a close is not the way I envisioned I would finish out my career. I had imagined swimming the last 25 of my last event full force and telling myself my motto for the 2019-2020 season; finish strong.
Instead, I was just finished.
It did not seem real and it certainly did not seem fair. I had put in an extra month of training for the swan song of my career just to be sent home without firsthand witnessing the accomplishments I had dreamed of achieving. Along with myself, my teammates were also devastated because there was so much more they wanted to show before finishing their season.
I am fortunate enough to say I have had a very decorated career within my four years at Carson-Newman. Multi-time MVP, Conference Swimmer of the Week, and Second Team All-American honors. I swam the best meet of my life in February at our Bluegrass Mountain Conference Championships, dropping time in every event I swam.
When asked if I have any regrets while swimming, I only say that I wish I had started sooner.
I began my career in the eighth grade on the Sumter High School swim team. I went to my first practice and felt completely out of place with my swim trunks and having to take a break after every lap. I rode home with my mom after practice and told her I was never going to do that again. Fortunately, I stuck with it and earned the most improved in my first year. I believe that award ignited a fire inside of me to always improve.
I spent a lot of my swimming career bouncing from team to team because I was never complacent with how I was training and performing. I wanted to be faster than I was at any meet before. When I had reached the top of the ladder at one team, I would find another to push me even harder. Because of this desire to continually be a better version of myself, not others, I focused more on what I could do to get faster. This mindset and work ethic worked out for me, having a more successful season each year. I know I am going to miss swimming and the positive outlet and escape it is for me. Swimming gave me a purpose and taught me that hard work and dedication goes a long way.
When I was younger, I had a difficult time expressing myself and making friends. Before coming out, I was angry at the world, because I imagined the world would not accept me. When I found swimming, I found a place where I could, quite literally, submerge myself and block out all the negative echoes of the world. I repurposed that anger into determination to get through difficult sets. It was a distraction from everything that was hurting me outside of the pool.
Then I discovered that I was good at it. I was never really good at anything else before like I was at swimming. Naturally, I wanted to continue that feeling of success and progress, so I dedicated the rest of my life to the lifestyle. I found a new identity in swimming. I had also found a new family of friends who trained with me, cheered for me as I cheered for them. I found a support system and built lifelong friendships at every team I’ve been a part of.
For the swimmers of Carson-Newman University (past and present), I want to thank you. Thank you for cheering me on, and believing in my abilities, even on days I didn’t. To the teammates of the past, thank you for shaping me into someone who gives their all every day at practice, for showing me that relationships are the most important part of being on a team, and accepting and loving me even more for being myself. When I finally sensed I could love and embrace myself, I found I could swim a lot faster without having to drag around a secret behind me. That is because of the classes from 2017-2020.
To the current team (and teammates of the future), thank you for working hard, loving this sport and team just as much as I do, if not more. You all provided so much support and told me that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I fought to win events, not just to say I had won, but I aimed to win so that you would have pride in the program you committed to. I want you to know that this program is special, and this program will always thrive as long as you ALL want it to. Work together as a team and have each other’s backs. Hold yourself and one another accountable. By setting goals and working hard to achieve them, your team, as well as you, will benefit from the fruits of your labor. I am always here for each of you for any advice or support I can give.
To every coach, thank you for seeing the potential in me and pushing me to be the best Caleb I could be. Jordan, thank you for taking a chance on a mediocre senior from Greenville, South Carolina, and seeing the fire and desire I had to make Carson-Newman swimming successful. You will be incredibly missed.
Video: 2020 BMC Championships, 200 IM A Finals
I am leaving Carson-Newman as a two-time All-American, a dream I had on my first tour of Carson-Newman. I completed my final conference with an aggregate of three conference wins. I am leaving a legacy with five school records and three MVP team awards, achievements I never anticipated. However, it was my first year when I received most improved at Carson-Newman, and that same fire from eight years ago was reignited.
As amazing as all those awards are, I hope my team remembers me for being dedicated, passionate, encouraging and someone who they could turn to for leadership. Thank you, swimming, for saving me. Thank you, Carson-Newman, for loving me. I am excited to see what my future has in store.
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